


all I see is you

by littlemovie (Lejla)



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Boys In Love, Fluff and Humor, Friendship, Hoodies and coffee, Implied depressive episode, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Misunderstandings, Mutual Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-14
Updated: 2017-10-17
Packaged: 2019-01-17 05:56:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,429
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12358929
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lejla/pseuds/littlemovie
Summary: “Aren’t you gonna ask me why I’m a bad person?” Isak somehow whined and demanded at the same time.Jonas blew out a breath in amusement, which made the dark curls on his forehead move with his breath. “I’m guessing it has something to do with that guy, Even, from the coffeeshop?”Isak nodded his head pathetically.OrIn which Isak pines and Jonas has had enough.





	1. Chapter 1

”I’m a bad person. I’m a really, really bad person.” Isak moaned as he closed the door to the apartment. He threw his jacket carelessly on the ground, stepping out of his shoes, and feeling extra pathetic he kicked the shoes so they fell over.

A throat cleared behind him.

“What’s up, buddy?” Jonas asked leaning against the wall, his arms crossed over his chest.

Isak sighed and repeated, “I’m a bad person.” He passed Jonas in the hallway and made his way to the living room and faceplanted on the couch. Jonas followed silently behind him.

Isak moved his head to the side so he could look at his roommate, who was now perched on Isak’s favorite blue chair by the couch.

Isak had gotten the chair at a flea market, when he and Jonas first moved in, and even though the color was a bit faded and it had scratch marks on the sides from the previous owner’s cat, it was still the comfiest chair Isak had ever had the pleasure of sitting in and he loved it.

Jonas cleared his throat for the second time that evening, which brought Isak back to the present. 

“Aren’t you gonna ask me why I’m a bad person?” Isak somehow whined and demanded at the same time.

Jonas blew out a breath in amusement, which made the dark curls on his forehead move with his breath. “I’m guessing it has something to do with that guy, Even, from the coffeeshop?”

Isak nodded his head pathetically.

“What did he do now?” Jonas asked leaning into the chair and making himself comfy. This was about to get good.

“Nothing.” Isak huffed and maneuvered from his front to his back so he could look sullenly at the ceiling. “He’s perfect as always.” _Blonde hair, blue eyes, legs for miles. What was there not to like?_

“Then what’s the problem.”

Isak closed his eyes as if in pain. “The problem is his stupid boyfriend with his stupid shiny hair and his stupid smile, which just lights up the fucking room when he walks into it.” Isak could still picture the way Mikael had thrown his arm around Even in greeting, kissing his forehead, and the way Even’s smile had brightened and his eyes has sparkled. Isak hated life.

Jonas grimaced. “Sorry, man. That’s rough. But why does that make you a bad person?”

Isak opened his eyes again and looked at Jonas. “Because I want them to break up. I really, really want them to break up.” Isak made a face. “Is that bad?”

Jonas huffed out a laugh. “I mean… yeah kinda. Not gonna lie.” And then the bastard started laughing and Isak blew out a breath through his nose and shifted from his back to his side.

“Fuck, I know.” Isak looked imploringly at Jonas “I know, okay? But it’s so hard to remember that when he smiles at me and looks at me, and makes me feel things.” Isak widened his eyes. “He makes me feel things, Jonas. Like emotions! I hate emotions.”

Jonas snorted and Isak rolled his eyes. “I mean it! He makes me feel things and then he goes and has a boyfriend. It’s not fair.”

“Would a beer make you feel better? Maybe a game of GTA? You can pretend one of the characters is Even’s boyfriend and steal his car.” Jonas said, which provoked a reluctant laugh from Isak. There was a reason Jonas was his best friend.

He sluggishly sat up on the couch to make room for Jonas, who had gotten up to get beers from the fridge.

“Yeah, I guess it can’t hurt. I can always find ways to break them up later.” Jonas stopped in his tracks and turned around to give Isak a stern look from the doorway to the kitchen. “No, you won’t.”

Isak sighed and slumped further down in his seat. “No, I won’t.”

 

*

 

Isak really was kidding when he told Jonas he would find ways to break Even and Mikael up. He had learned his lesson in his first year of high school, thank you very much, and he was done with that.

He was also done with crushes on boys who were in relationships, but Isak guessed rules were made to be broken.

He rolled his eyes at himself and took a sip from the coffee in front of him. The coffeeshop was not as busy today, which meant that Isak’s favorite table was free of strangers and their sticky fingers spilling coffee and cake crumbs all over the place. The table was tucked in a corner, which gave Isak the illusion of privacy, but was placed by the window, which meant Isak could people watch and daydream when real life got to be too much.

And today was one of those days. Nothing bad had happened, but Isak had woken up tired and sluggish and the feeling had followed him throughout his day. He had felt a small headache coming on when he was leaving his last class of the day and had decided that a nice cup of coffee would do the trick. He was just contemplating if it was worth it to leave his comfy spot in the chair to buy a cake to go with his coffee when somebody took a seat opposite him. Isak turned his head from the window and met Even’s blue eyes already looking at him, a small smile on his lips. _Those lips would be the death of Isak._

“Halla,” Even said and pushed the plate he brought with him further towards Isak. “I thought we could share.”

Isak’s eyebrows rose in surprise, but a smile nonetheless made its way to his lips. “I love lemon cake.”

“I know.” Even replied taking one of the forks for himself, giving the other to Isak. It was a small table and Isak could feel Even’s long legs brush up against his, while Even took the first bite of the cake. Trying to ignore the way Even’s right leg had settled against his left one, Isak took a bite of the cake sitting between them and could not stop the small sound of satisfaction when the frosting began to melt on his tongue. He looked up to smile at Even and noticed a small flush coloring his cheeks.

“Thank you. Really. This was just what I needed today.”

Even smiled back and shrugged his shoulders, “You’re welcome.”

They ate in comfortable silence after that. Both taking sips of their coffee, or tea in Even’s case, while Isak tried to sneak glances at Even whenever he was not looking. Even’s hair was still a bit damp from the rain outside and it lay softly on his forehead. He looked soft and comfortable in his green hoodie and Isak wanted to cuddle him forever. Isak sighed and took the last sip of his now lukewarm coffee.

“Do you have any plans for tonight?” Even asked not quite looking at Isak but focusing on clearing the table, stacking their cups together and wiping the table with a napkin. _The guy was unbelievable,_ Isak thought.

“No, not really.”

 Even cleared his throat, “Not even with Jonas?”

Isak shook his head, “Nah, Jonas’ working tonight.”

“Oh,” Even looked up at that. “Do you wanna hang out tonight? At my place? We can play some FIFA, drink a beer. I can make us some nachos if you’re into that?”

Isak could feel his smile widening even as he was trying to tamp it down. But the guilt he felt over his feelings for Even was nothing in the face of Even’s beautiful smile broadening when Isak nodded his head in the affirmative.

Isak looked out the window. “But it’s really raining outside,” Isak said making a face. “Maybe we should wait a bit.” But Even was already standing up and shrugging on his jacket.

He looked down to where Isak was still sitting and winked, “Live a little, Isak.”

 

*

  

Isak should really learn not to listen to Even.

Walking into Even’s apartment for the first time, Isak was soaked to the bone. He tried shaking excess water of his coat before entering the hallway but it was to no use. He could feel cold water running down his back beneath his white sweater, even soaking through his t-shirt underneath. Isak made a face of disgust pealing first his jacket off and then his sweater and pinching the white t-shirt between his fingers.

“Let me take that,” Even said taking the damp sweater from Isak’s cold fingers. “I’m gonna get you a dry one.” With that Even turned around and walked further into the apartment. Isak took that as his invitation to do the same and followed Even down the short hallway and into the living room. Or what he thought was the living room. Because to Isak’s surprise, Even lived in a studio apartment which meant that his living room was also his bedroom. Isak took a deep, steadying breath.  

While Even was rummaging through his clothes in the closet, Isak took his time looking around the small but cozy room. The room was filled with posters and pictures of Even’s friends and family, but what drew Isak’s attention were the small drawings Even had taped on the wall. Isak took a step towards one particular drawing of a cartoon cat with a snapback when Even turned him around placing something soft in his hands. Isak looked down to see that Even had given him a pink hoodie he could change into and a pair of his sweatpants.

“The bathroom is just down there,” Even said pointing down the hall. “I’m gonna start on dinner.” He gave Isak’s arm a squeeze before moving to the kitchen and Isak made his way to the bathroom.

After changing from his still damp clothes and into Even’s much warmer ones, Isak went to the kitchen where he could hear Even making dinner. Even stood with his back to the door so Isak took the opportunity to look at Even without him noticing. Even had changed his clothes while Isak was in the bathroom, and he was now wearing his own pair of sweatpants and a blue hoodie which looked a bit worse for wear but still incredibly soft. Everything about Even looked soft.

Isak mentally shook himself and made his way to Even’s side by the counter.

“Anything I can help with?” He said and placed both hands on the counter, drumming his fingers lightly against the countertop.

Even smiled but shook his head. “Not really. This shouldn’t take too long. But you can take two beers from the fridge and find us some music to listen to? My iPod is in the other room.”

Isak nodded, walking to the fridge to find the beers before moving to the other room. Even’s iPod was on a small table, so Isak quickly went through some of his playlists before choosing one where he recognized some of the songs on. He had just taken a sip of his beer when Even came into the room, taking a seat opposite Isak.

“Nice,” Even said in response to the music before he brought his beer bottle to his lips taking a couple of mouthfuls. “Food’s in the oven right now, so it shouldn’t be too long.” Even repeated, placing the bottle on the table again.

Isak smiled trying not to look too long at Even’s mouth. “Sound’s good.”

 

*

 

Dinner was not only good, it was amazing, and Isak took every opportunity to tell Even exactly that. After they had eaten and put the dishes to soak, Even had given Isak a controller and challenged Isak to a match. Whoever won owed the other one a muffin and a drink of their choice.

Two hours later, they were still playing but none the wiser of who was actually winning. Isak laughed when Even accidentally passed the ball to one of Isak’s players and Isak was just about to make a goal when somebody knocked on the door. Even looked at him and then at the door hesitating. But when another knock came, he stood up from his place by Isak’s side and slowly made his way down the hall. Isak paused the game and brushed some of the stray crumbs from the chips they had been eating from the hoodie, and feeling awkward sitting alone on Even’s bed, he stood up and walked a bit closer to the hallway.

Even opened the door to cheers from familiar male voices, and Isak saw a pair of hands reaching towards Even followed by a head of dark hair and Isak turned away just in time to avoid seeing Mikael kissing Even. He heard it though. He was also sure he heard the sound of his own heart breaking, so he tried to concentrate extra hard on the drawings on the wall in front on him, but suddenly not even the drawing of the Cool Cat could make a smile appear on his face. Isak was so lost in his own thoughts that he did not feel a pair of arms going around his shoulder before a kiss was placed on his cheek. Isak startled and turned around to see Mikael standing beside him with a large smile on his face.

“Isak, hei!” Mikael said and squeezed Isak’s shoulder before moving away to take a seat on Even’s bed.

“Hei.” Isak replied a bit belatedly, looking from Mikael to the now filled hallway where he could see Mutta and Adam taking off their jackets. Even came back to the room, standing besides Isak so their shoulders were brushing against each other.

“I didn’t know they were coming over tonight.” Even whispered so the others couldn’t hear them, his warm breath sending shivers down Isak’s spine.

“It’s no problem. I should get going anyways.” He could see the disappointed look on Even’s face, but he could not imagine spending an evening in Even’s apartment with Mikael there, watching them sit close to each other, sharing kisses. Isak really could not do it. He wanted to be a better friend for Even, but after spending almost all day with him, Isak’s feelings were all over the place.

So he made his excuses and said goodbye to the other guys, Mutta giving him an extra tight hug and making Isak promise him that he would hang out with them another time. It was only when he was almost home again that Isak realized that he still had Even’s pink hoodie and his sweatpants on. His own clothes drying in Even’s bathroom.

 

*

 

“Nice hoodie.” Jonas said when Isak walked through the door.

Isak grumbled a small _shut up_ , Jonas’ laughter following him down the hall.

 

*                

 

“Okay, so I’ve been thinking about it and I really think you need to get over Even.” Jonas said with a decisive nod over their Sunday morning coffee. Isak gave him an unimpressed look back.

“No shit, Sherlock.” Isak replied pushing his half-eaten sandwich away, no longer hungry.

Jonas just shook his head. “No, no, you need to listen to me, okay? You’ve been pining over this guy for too long,” Isak was just about to interrupt him, because Isak did not _pine_ , but Jonas’ hand on his arm stopped him.

“You’ve been hanging out with him and pining, and avoiding being in the same room as him and Mikael. And you’ll never get over him if you don’t face the truth.” Jonas continued, his eyes soft but his voice firm.

“So I have a plan. We’re gonna invite Even and Mikael here Friday and hang out. We’re gonna have a few beers, play some board games and you’re gonna talk to Mikael and find out that he’s probably a nice guy, even though he’s with your crush, and you’re gonna have to accept that, okay?”

“No, thanks.” Isak said tightening his fingers around his empty coffee mug.

“Isak.” Jonas pleaded taking one of Isak’s hands from the mug and holding it in his own. Isak sighed and looked into Jonas’ kind and well-meaning eyes. “Please just try. You’ve been wearing his hoodie for the last two days. You need to snap out of it.”

Isak took his hand back from Jonas’ and stood up to get a fresh cup of coffee, but he turned around when he had gotten his refill to meet Jonas’ gaze again.

“Okay.” Isak said watching Jonas’ face light up.

“Okay.” Jonas repeated, nodding his head in agreement.

 

*

 

Monday and Tuesday came and went and by Wednesday morning Isak still had not talked to Even about Friday night, and it was not for lack of trying either. Even had texted him regularly since Isak was at his place, sending him tidbits about his day and the occasional selfie, which Isak saved on his camera roll. Don’t judge him. And he had tried writing the message several times, but he would chicken out every time or simply decide not to send it anyways. Because really, Jonas was not the authority on relationships or Isak’s life. If Isak wanted to spend the rest of his life pining away after Even, he would do as he pleased, god dammit.

Isak rubbed his tired eyes with his fingers, making him see stars when he opened them again. He was in line to buy his usual coffee at KB, three people in front of him. He had woken early for his morning class, but had gotten an email just as he was about to go out the door that the professor was sick and that class was canceled. But instead of going back to bed, Isak had braved the slight rain and made his way to the coffee shop in the hopes of warming his body from the inside out and waking up his brain. He was just contemplating buying a sandwich with his coffee when he felt a shoulder brush against his own. He did not even have to turn around to know who it was.

“Morning.” Isak said turning to see an overly cheery Mikael standing beside him. _Of course, Mikael was a morning person,_ Isak thought _._ He was apparently everything Isak was not.

“Good morning, Isak.” Mikael replied, throwing his arm around Isak and giving him a sideways hug. “On your way to class?” Mikael added while he was digging through his bag looking for something.

“Not yet.” The line was moving forward and Isak took a step followed by Mikael.

“Oh cool. I have to go to work but first in an hour. You want to join me for breakfast? My treat.” Mikael said triumphally holding his wallet in front of him.

Isak’s stomach churned unpleasantly, but remembering Jonas’ advice he made himself nod his head. “Yeah, okay. But you don’t have to pay for me.”

“I don’t have to, but I want to. And besides, Even told me he lost your bet so he owes you a coffee and muffin, right?”

Isak could feel the unpleasantness spreading from his stomach to his chest. “I don’t think I won that night.” Isak mumbled but Mikael just shrugged his shoulders.

“Well neither did he. So if you grab us a table, I’ll get us food.” Mikael said, and when Isak did not do anything for a minute Mikael gave him a small push towards an empty table. So Isak went.     

Breakfast should have been awkward, but Mikael would not let it. He talked about his job, his family and how it was still living at home, and he asked Isak questions about university, his friends and his hobbies. Mikael was animated and funny, and seemed genuinely interested in Isak’s life.

Isak hated him.

Or he really did not, and that was the problem. Mikael was a nice guy and Even deserved a nice guy. Even deserved the world. And if Mikael was Even’s world, Isak would be a good friend and get over his stupid crush. And the first step to do that was to invite Mikael and Even to his apartment with Jonas for board games… Isak could totally do that.

Mikael was telling him a story about a cat he wanted to adopt, when Isak interrupted him before he lost his nerve.

“Ehmm, Mikael?” Isak began fiddling with the wrapper, which was all that was left of the muffin Mikael had bought him.

Mikael stopped talking immediately, giving Isak his full attention. Isak cleared his throat.

“If you and Even don’t have any plans Friday, you should come and hang with me and Jonas. We have board games and beer, and I’m sure Jonas can make something to eat or we can order a pizza. If you want, of course.” Isak hastily added.

Mikael had a strange look on his face, but he quickly nodded his head when Isak began to look confused.

“Oh, yeah sure. I’ll ask Even.” Mikael said and stood from his chair taking his backpack and hoisting it on his shoulders. “I have to go now or I’ll be late for work. But I’ll get Even to text you, yeah?”

Isak could only nod his head in reply while Mikael hastily walked across the shop and out the door.

 

*

 

Isak was a nervous mess Friday morning but blessedly he had classes the whole day, which meant that by the time he came home, he only had time to take a quick nap before Jonas would wake him up to get ready for their guests.

Isak tried not to think too much about it. He had not seen Even the whole week, but Even had texted him to confirm that he and Mikael would hang out with them Friday and then they had kept messaging each other stupid memes the rest of the time, so it was fine. Everything was fine.

What was not fine was that Jonas had come home late from work, which meant that he had woken Isak up later than they had agreed on, which meant that Isak only had half an hour to take a shower and look presentable before Even and Mikael showed up.

Isak had just gotten out of the shower, when he heard the doorbell ringing and in his haste to get dressed he grabbed the clothes closest to him in his room, which were located on his chair by his desk. It was only when he came into the living room with three pair of eyes on him that he noticed that he was wearing Even’s pink hoodie, which he still had not given back to him. Isak wished for a black hole to open and swallow him whole. But no such luck.

“Umm, hei,” Isak mumbled feeling his cheeks heating up. “I’m sorry about-“Here he pinched the fabric of the hoodie between his fingers looking sheepishly at Even.

“Don’t worry about it.” Even replied beaming at him.

Jonas cleared his throat, which made the other three look at him.

Jonas grinned, “So who’s up for a game of Partners?”

 

 

     

        


	2. Always

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is dedicated to all the lovely people who commented/left kudos on the first chapter.  
> Thank you, and I hope you enjoy <3

Isak was going to kill Jonas.

Making Isak interact with both Mikael and Even at the same time was one thing, but being partnered with Mikael for the board game was a whole other, and instead of focusing on the game, Isak was daydreaming about killing Jonas. Slowly.

And needless to say, the game was going horribly.

Mikael was enthusiastic and making an effort in communicating with Isak nonverbally. Isak was just plain lost. No matter how hard he tried to guess what move Mikael wanted him to make, he always made the wrong one. Luckily Jonas and Even were not faring any better. 

Actually, from what Isak was able to garner, they were doing a lot worse. Even was actually competitive, but so was Jonas. And instead of playing as a team, it just looked like they were trying to best each other. It did not make any sense. Isak sighed.

“How about we take a break, guys?”

Three pair of eyes looked at him with varying degrees of interest. Jonas had a frown on his face, Mikael just smiled, while Even looked at him with an intense look in his eyes. Isak did not know what the hell was going on.

“Good idea. I could use a new beer.” Jonas finally said. He pushed his chair back a bit standing up, leaning his right hand on Isak’s shoulder for balance.

Isak looked from Jonas to Even, who was now looking away, his eyes everywhere but on him it seemed. Isak felt a stab of disappointment deep in his stomach, which got worse when Mikael placed his arm around Even’s shoulders. It was now his turn to look away.

Isak hastily pushed his own chair back and made a move to quickly follow Jonas into the kitchen with a mumbled _I’ll go help him_ to Mikael and Even. But instead of going to the kitchen, Isak made a detour and locked himself in the bathroom. He just needed to breathe.

Jonas’ plan was not working, and instead of finally realizing that Even was happy with someone else and letting go, Isak felt an emptiness in his stomach that it was not him Even was happy with.

Isak was not sure, he was going to survive the night. But then he shook his head at himself, splashed some water on his face and decided to stop being such a drama queen.

Walking into the living room again, Isak saw that the three other boys had migrated to the sofa, each with a new beer in hand. Mikael and Jonas were in a heated discussion about something or another, which meant that Even was looking directly at him, a small smile now gracing his plumb lips. Isak was going to get whiplash one of these days.

Jonas and Mikael were on one end of the sofa, while Even was sitting in Isak’s favorite chair, which meant that the only place left for Isak to sit was on the other end of the sofa right besides Even. His traitorous heart skipped a beat.

“Okay, so we’re playing Mario Kart and we’re playing in teams.” Jonas said, giving each of them a controller. “And since I’m not losing this time, I’ll play with Mikael and you guys play together.” Here Jonas pointed at Isak and Even, a stern expression coloring his features.

Mikael grinned, picking Baby Peach as his character. “Oh, it’s on like Donkey Kong!”

 

*    

 

Playing Mario Kart with Mikael and Even turned out to be one of Jonas’ better ideas and Isak was having fun. Jonas was good and would be leading if it was not for his partner. Mikael was, to put it lightly, bad. But then again, it seemed his sole mission was to throw as many banana peels on the road, uncaring of who got the worst of the burnt. Which for the most part was himself… Isak did not know how he managed it, but everyone was laughing so Isak could not fault him for it.

Which meant that him and Even were in the lead. They worked well together like a well-oiled machine. It was like Even could anticipate his every move and whenever Even got a little confused by the sharp turns, Isak would whisper encouraging words to help him. And it seemed to work.

“Yes!” Even shouted when Isak’s car drove over the finishing line right after Even’s own. Even sprung up from the chair, both hands in the air and a wide grin on his face. Isak laughed along with him. Jonas grunted, which made Mikael ruffle his hair and Jonas reluctantly smiled. Isak looked to Even, who was already looking right back at him.

“Good job.” Even beamed, holding his hand out for a high five, which Isak returned. But instead of taking his hand back, Even curled his fingers around Isak’s, giving his hand a gentle squeeze before finally letting go. Isak felt his breath hitch in his throat and his fingers tingle from Even’s leftover warmth.  

Isak was in trouble.

 

*

 

“So, did it work?” Jonas asked leaning against the front door which Mikael and Even had just walked out of.

Isak did not say anything. He just rolled his eyes and went to his bedroom to wallow in peace.

 

 

*

 

Getting in touch with Even got harder after that. Even had stopped coming to the coffee shop and Isak did not see him on the tram anymore. He tried messaging Even a couple of times, only getting brief messages back, one excuse after the other, until Even stopped replying altogether. It should have maybe made Isak feel relief. Relief that Even had taken the choice for him. To cut whatever was happening off before it went to far. But all that Isak felt was an ache. An ache in his heart, an ache in his stomach, an ache in his whole body.

So Isak drowned the ache out with school work. He relocated from the coffee shop to the library, burying his feelings in old books and shitty library coffee. He hung out with Jonas, Magnus and Mahdi, spending his weekends at bars and university parties. He tried not looking at his phone that often. But the ache was still there. Only now it was buried under a heavy layer of sorrow.

Isak closed his eyes and took a deep breath, letting the air slowly leave his parted lips. His body felt heavy and his neck was starting to hurt from sitting in the same position in the hard chair. Isak grabbed his laptop, shutting it down and putting it in his bag. He placed the books back on the shelves and made his way through the library and out the heavy wooden doors. It was dark outside and it had started to drizzle, which made Isak shiver and wish he had put on more layers.

He was just about to take the first step down the steep steps when he looked up to see a shadowy figure stood at the bottom of the stairs. Even in the dark and the rain, Isak recognized who it was.

Even stood still. Big, blue eyes hidden under his blonde fringed, his lips parted as if he was about to say something. He closed his lips again and a shiver so strong ran through him that Isak could see it from where he was still standing motionless on the top of the stairs. But that shiver made Isak jump into action, and taking the stairs two at the time, he threw his arms around Even’s cold shoulders and buried his face in his neck. He could feel Even’s own arms almost cautiously circling his waist so Isak held him harder. Not even air was allowed to come between them.

When the cold rain started to seep through Isak’s jacket, he loosened his hold on Even just enough to be able to see his eyes.

“Let’s get you home.”

 

*

 

Even did not say much on the tram ride home, so Isak held his hand and thanked his lucky stars that he could remember the way to Even’s apartment.

Even’s apartment was dark when they walked through the front door, but something in Isak’s body told him that it was for the best. He followed Even down the short hallway and into his bedroom/living room. The slight light shining from the moon outside and through the curtains was enough for Isak to see Even’s face as he stood still and unsure in the middle of the room. And even though Isak had an inkling on what had probably happened in the past few weeks, the reason for Even’s sudden disappearance from his life was not important. The only thing on Isak’s mind was getting Even out of his wet clothes and into his dry and warm bed. Anything else could wait.

“Will you stay?” Even asked, his words cautious and whispered quietly in the dark of the room.

Isak gently placed his right hand on Even’s jaw, his thumb sweeping back and forth.

“Always.”

 

*

 

“I’m sorry.”

Even’s words reached Isak’s ears gently at first and then like a punch to the chest. Isak only held him tighter.

 

*         

 

A week later, life was back to normal. Isak attended his classes, ate dinner with Jonas and studied in the coffee shop by his favorite window. The only difference was that Even was once again tightly interwoven in Isak’s daily routine. The ache had slowly started to disappear again as he was spending more and more time with Even, but the guilt would not leave.

Because Even had a boyfriend. A boyfriend who was not Isak and Isak had to respect that. And he did. But to leave Even alone now was an impossibility. So Isak would be his friend. He would bury his feelings deep down and be the best friend he could be to Even.

Isak was determined.

Still lost in his thoughts, Isak did not see Even before was sitting beside him, having dragged his chair around the table to sit as close to Isak as possible. He was going to be the death of him.

“Halla,” Even beamed, booping Isak’s nose before directing Isak’s attention to his phone. “you need to see this.” He continued excitedly, showing Isak a video of penguins falling over in the snow. Isak smiled indulgently. He was used to Even sending him funny videos, especially if one of them reminded him of Isak.

“Look at this one!” Even laughed, pointing at a small penguin trying to get up from the snow, but falling down over and over again. “He reminds me of you.”    

Isak rolled his eyes and took the last bite of his carrot cake, leveling Even with an unimpressed look. Even only smiled wider.

The air between them changed as Even’s gaze went from his eyes and to his lips. As if in slow motion Even brought his hand to Isak’s jaw, his thumb sweeping the corner of his mouth. Isak’s eyes widened. Even showed him his thumb. “Frosting.” He mumbled, and for an exhilarating second Isak thought that Even would lick the frosting from his finger. Instead he grabbed the napkin from the table and cleaned the frosting off. Isak did not know if he was relieved or disappointed.

So much for burying his feelings deep down, Isak thought and gave himself a mental slap on the head. He had to keep it together.

“I’m sorry.” Even said as he scooted his chair a bit further away from Isak’s and Isak’s heart fell straight down to his stomach. Shit, he needed to be more subtle with his feelings. He could not risk Even feeling uncomfortable and ending their friendship. So Isak forced a relaxed smile on his face, nodded his head and changed the subject.

“Ready to head out?”

Even nodded his head and grabbed his bag from the floor. “Is Jonas home?” Even asked, not looking at him, busy tying his scarf around his long, pale neck.

Isak shook his head. “No, he’s working tonight.” Isak cleared his throat and cautiously asked. “Is that okay?”

At that, Even’s blue eyes met his own, his eyebrows slightly furrowed. “Yes?”

Isak just nodded his head again, his cheeks slightly flushed.

The tram ride to Isak’s place was filled with a slightly awkward silence. Even kept looking at him and then looking away when Isak met his eyes, and Isak did know what to do about it. And it did not stop there. The whole evening was filled with awkwardness – with something left unsaid. Isak just did not know what, and the more he tried to stir them back to normal, the more awkward it felt. When Even finally had to go, Isak breathed out for what felt the first time that evening. Isak did not know exactly what he had done, but he knew he has messed up somehow.

It was his fault entirely.

 

*

 

Walking home from the last class of the day, Isak felt content. He had handed in his latest paper for his biochemistry class and he was now looking forward to almost two weeks of winter holidays. No classes to attend, no papers to write, just a bit of studying but he could do that from the comfort of his own bed.

Things with Even had somewhat returned to normal and Isak was feeling optimistic. He could fix whatever he had broken. He _would_ fix it. Even deserved as much. But as with everything in Isak’s life, when things were looking up, it all had to come crashing down.  

He had just crossed the street when he looked up to see a familiar face, eyes sparkling in happiness, a wide grin on his face. Mikael’s long, dark hair was blowing in the wind and he kept using his right hand to keep it out of his face, his left one holding a cup of something warm if the steam rising into the cold air was anything to go by. He was just about to make his way towards Mikael to say hallo, when a gust of air blew Mikael’s hair in his face, making him laugh.

Isak could feel his own smile making its way across his face, but it quickly fell when the man beside Mikael touched his face almost tenderly, pushing a strand of hair behind his ear. He then leaned down to place a small kiss on Mikael’s lips, which then turned heated when Mikael placed his free hand on the man’s jacket pulling him closer.

Isak felt white rage filling his body.

Before he knew what he was doing, Isak had crossed the distance between them and pushed Mikael from the man in front of him, making Mikael stumble and hit his back on the wall of the café they had walked out off. Mikael’s cup flew from his hand and just as Isak was about to demand an explanation, he felt a fist hitting his nose, making hot red blood spurt from his nose.

“Isak.” Mikael breathed and took a careful step towards him, his hand stretched out as if he was about to touch Isak’s face.

“Ow, fuck. What the fuck, Mikael!” Isak whimpered, still holding his bloody nose. The man beside them took a handful of tissues from the bag he was carrying and held them out to Isak. Isak eyed him warily but took the proffered tissues anyway. He was not getting blood on Even’s hoodie dammit.

“What are you doing?” Mikael asked, confusion still coloring his voice.

“What am I doing! Really?! You’re the one cheating on Even!” Isak huffed. The blood had finally stopped pouring out of his nose, but it still hurt like hell.

Mikael still looked confused. “Cheating on Even? I’m sorry, what?”

“Even, your boyfriend. Or have you conveniently forgotten about him?” Isak sneered, and Mikael’s face finally cleared from the confusion.

“Isak,” Mikael said, taking another step towards him. “Even isn’t my boyfriend. We’re just friends. Best friends. This is my boyfriend.” Mikael pointed at the silent man still standing beside them, who just looked at Isak with his dark eyes, an unimpressed look on his face.

“Oh.” Isak said almost breathlessly, his thoughts running a mile a minute.

“But you’re awfully protective of Even for someone who has a boyfriend of his own.” Mikael looked at him, both eyebrows raised.

Isak shook his head. “I don’t have a boyfriend.”

Mikael looked confused once more. “But Jonas..”

“Is my roommate. And my best friend, but only a friend.” Isak emphasized.

“But Even said-“

Isak’s eyes widened. “Even thinks Jonas is my boyfriend?”

Mikael nodded. “And you thought I was his?”

Now it was Isak’s turn to nod his head. “Shit.”

Mikael began laughing, his boyfriend chuckling beside them.

“You guys are idiots.”

Isak wholeheartedly agreed. But then he felt his stomach drop down to his toes. He looked at Mikael pleadingly. “I need to talk to him. Please, let me talk to him before you say anything.”

“Sure,” Mikael agreed. “I think that talk is long overdue.”

 

*

 

Isak ran as fast as he could with his nose throbbing with every step that he took. He needed to talk to Even and he needed to do it now.

He took the steps two at a time and knocked on Even’s door, his heart in his throat. Even opened the door, a smile on his face, which quickly fell when he saw Isak’s swollen and still a bit bloody face on his doorstep.

“Oh my god, Isak, what happened?”

Even ushered him inside and took him to the bathroom, making Isak sit on the closed toilet so he could inspect his face.

“I pushed Mikael.” Isak mumbled and winced when Even’s hand jerked where he was touching his nose.

“And then Mikael’s boyfriend punched me.” Even’s hand had stilled in mid-air, his eyes wide and his mouth slightly parted.

“Why?” He breathed into the still air between them.

Isak looked down at his fiddling fingers, too embarrassed to look into Even’s eyes.

“Because I though he was cheating on you.” Isak whispered. He could hear Even’s sharp intake of breath, but he did not dare look up.

“You pushed Mikael because you thought he was cheating on me?” Even whispered.

Isak nodded his head. “I’m sorry.” Isak finally looked up to meet Even’s intense gaze. “I just couldn’t believe that he would kiss somebody else when he could be kissing you. You’re wonderful, Even.”

Even’s face flushed and he brought a hand to his cheek as if to conceal the warmth. “You can’t say something like that.” Even said breathlessly.

“Why not?” Isak whispered.

“Because then I want to kiss you.” Even whispered right back, and it was Isak’s turn to flush.

“You can kiss me.”

Even’s eyes looked sad, which reminded Isak of the horrible misunderstanding, which has started this whole messt. They really were idiots, the both of them.

“Shit, Even.” Isak hopped up from the toilet seat, and grabbed Even’s head between his hands. “Jonas isn’t my boyfriend. We’re only friends, you have to believe me.”

A crease formed between Even’s eyebrows. “But I thought-“

“I know. Me too. I though Mikael was your boyfriend and you thought Jonas was mine.” Isak smiled shyly. “I guess that makes both of us stupid, oblivious idiots.”

Even laughed at that, looking away with a fond expression on his face and then looking at Isak again. He took Isak’s hands from his face and intertwined their fingers before he brought his face closer to Isak’s. Isak’s eyes fluttered closed before he half-opened them again, not wanting to miss the look on Even’s flushed face. Even brought his nose to Isak’s cheek, caressing it and sliding it down to his jaw, placing a small kiss there. Isak felt his whole body fill with warmth, a small burst of air leaving his parted lips. But before he could take his next breath, Even placed his soft lips against his. The kiss was slow, tender and it made Isak dizzy in the best of ways. Even licked his bottom lip, taking it between both of his and Isak opened his mouth wider. He did not know it could feel like this. He had never felt anything like this before.

“Me neither.” Even muttered against Isak’s lips and Isak realized he had said it out loud.

“God, we’ve wasted so much time.” Isak said in reply and leaned his forehead against Even’s being careful not to bump his tender nose against his.

“Let’s make up for it now.” Even smiled and captured his lips in a loving kiss again.      

 

*

 

“Okay, so let me get this straight.” Jonas said, already grinning. He pointed a finger at Isak, who was sitting in the safe crook of Even’s arm. “You thought _he_ was in a relationship with _him_.” Jonas pointed from Even to Mikael. “And _you_ ,” Here he pointed at Even, “thought Isak was in a relationship with _me_?”

Isak groaned and hid his face in Even’s shoulder. Even bit the corner of his lip. “Yep.”

Jonas cackled and Mikael was fast to join him. “Do you guys not talk to each other?” Jonas asked incredulously.

“Nope, they just stare creepily at each other, because who needs talking, right?” Mikael replied, dodging Even’s arm, which was trying to hit his shoulder.

“I hate you guys.” Isak said like the brat he was.

“Yeah, yeah, we love you, too.” Mikael grinned and Jonas snorted, nodding his head in agreement.      

**Author's Note:**

> Hey babes,
> 
> So this was short (and hopefully sweet?), but I have part 2 all planned out if anyone is interested :)


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